Thursday, June 25, 2009


These have been my days: cutting away apple peelings, warming bottles in old college cups, sneaking chapters during nap-time, despising the character Moose A Moose who narrates between shows on Noggin, celebrating the blessing of that wide-open smile coming from two sweet boys.
I feel a little bit like the character from a young adult novel or a feel-good movie. You see, here's the thing: I came here because I love my husband. And because I have this pay-it-forward notion to life. OK, and the most selfish of all is the fact that I did not want to find some awful summer job where a former student of mine was a co-worker (or worse, a boss), and if I spent two weeks in the middle of July in New Jersey, I just might not have to. And when Ryan dropped me off at the airport, I tried not to cry, tried to keep the but-I-don't-want-to-leave-you's to a minimum, and truly believed I would fly back to Minneapolis not wanting children of my own.
And that first day alone with the boys, I thought things were going according to prediction. Jimmy's energy level was, well, where Jimmy's energy level tends to be, and Jack would wail and spit milky saliva up and down my arm, and I had gotten up earlier than I tend to do, and I couldn't read freely, and I had to juggle bottle with sippy cup with plate of chicken nuggets with following everyone around having a sodden towel slung over my shoulder. How am I going to do this for two weeks?! I watched the clock plod, listened at the window for Mommy and Daddy, and I wanted them to come home just as much as Jimmy might.
I had been told no one would blame me if I wanted to come home early.
But I stuck it out, and Jimmy told me stories and asked me questions and Jack laughed every time I swung him into the air and at night Jimmy would tell me good-night, Aunt Molly, I love you and Jack would nestle against shoulders and my heart got all melty. I realize, now, that when I leave tomorrow, I will very much so get bleary eyed once again, will think but-I-don't-want-to-leave-you, and when Jimmy asked me today if he could come back with me to 'sota (not realizing Mommy and Daddy wouldn't come along) I said yes, that he could ride in my carry-on and we'd sneak him back to Uncle Ryan and he could ride the dogs and help me weed the garden.
Indeed, I am returning home knowing that when our time comes, not only can I be a parent (without losing my mind) but I just might be a fairly un-shabby parent and maybe, just maybe, I will actually enjoy the parenting, might not mind the parasitic relationship of mother-and-baby, not mind the grubby neediness of small children. Somehow, they have charm all over and it comes out precisely when you least expect it.
It helps, of course, that I was able to read five books while I was here. It can be done.


KeLL said...

You'll be a fabulous mommy some day. And I can hardly wait for that day. =)

PS: Moose A Moose and Zee are awesome!

Kyrie said...

oh, just-


you'll be a great mama when the time comes. and you'll have poop stories and sweet stories and can you believe what s/he said? stories and it will be awesome.

xox K

Jenny said...

Just stopping by from another website to check out your blog. It's very good and I'll be bookmarking it for updates :) Have a great weekend.